“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord.
1 Samuel 1:15 (NIV)
She Said What It Was
Past midnight, the hallway outside the delivery rooms has one man in it. He’s down on the floor with his back against the wall, because the chairs are around the corner and from here he can hear the door. His lips are moving. A nurse coming the other way slows down, decides he’s on the phone, and keeps walking.
Hannah had been praying a long time, her lips moving and her voice not carrying, and Eli watched her mouth and decided she was drunk. “How long are you going to stay drunk?” he said. “Put away your wine.” She could have defended her name. She described the act instead, and told him she was a woman who was deeply troubled, that she hadn’t been drinking wine or beer, and that she was pouring out her soul to the Lord.
Eli told her to go in peace and asked God to grant what she had asked of him. She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. She ate before one thing in her life had changed.
Praying like that doesn’t look like praying from a few feet away. Eli was close enough to watch her mouth and he still called it drink. You don’t have to give anyone a tidier version of what you’re doing. Prayer with no words in it, prayer that goes on long enough to stop sounding like language, still has a name. She had one for what she was doing, and when a man got it wrong to her face she gave it to him.
A woman comes down the hall with two coffees, holds one out to him, and asks how he’s doing. He’s said fine four times tonight. This time he says he’s frightened, and she gets down on the floor beside him.
A Prayer to Remember
Hear the part of tonight I can’t get into words, Lord. I’ve been at this a while and it doesn’t sound like praying even to me, and I’d rather you had it in the shape it’s in than dressed up for you. Stay where you are until I’m finished.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
